Monthly Archives: October 2010

last october

It’s quite crazy to me that last October my life was no where near where it is now. Things were crazy and confusing and when things seemed good they went bad really fast. As I look back I laugh at the things I went through, but remember how I felt when it was happening. Last October I got my first serious boyfriend. Last October I realized he was dangerous to my emotional health. Last October I felt myself freightend that I was falling for him. I know what your thinking “whoa that’s really personal! why is she sharing?”. Well because I learned alot from it, and that wasn’t all. Last October if he didn’t love me no one elses love mattered. Last October I felt really lost. Last October I for some reason wore god awful Ugg boots. Last October I got in an accident the day before halloween. Last October my world was shaken and my car was crushed. Last October I went to the halloween party with high expectations, and left with not even my hope and faith along side of me. Last October I thought it was all over.Last October I thought that was then end of my pain, my life being mayhem, and the drama. This October I relive those memories and wish it that was the last time I let life and loved him. Like I said last October was when I kind of realized lifes not all that fair, but learn from it and grow as much as you can. I’ve grown alot since last October.

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i used to love him.

As I look at what I’ve done
The type of life that I’ve lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don’t
I used to love him but now I don’t

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a friend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn’t fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don’t
I used to love him but now I don’t

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man’s wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it’s replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who’s lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him.

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Look Alive Sunshine!

I haven’t listened to My Chemial Romance in forever, I don’t know why I faded as a fan for them but I recently regained my love for such an amazing band and loooove their new song just as much as their old ones.

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Thoughts & Theories

I’m not really sure how to start, its upsetting me. I’m upsetting that this website use to be a place where all my creative crazy thoughts would spill out and erupt. Where my weird metaphorical style of writing was some how understood. I don’t enjoy it anymore its weird. I mean I enjoy this, its my baby, its my fuzzyneonllama baby but life has worn me down. I’ve gotten back up and put a smile on my face as always. I don’t do sadness its a emotion I’m unsure how to handle as well as all my other one. I’m a treasure chest basically full of gold and love, sadness is in there but buried deep deep deep in the bottom. I’ve been thinking alot lately, I mean I’m always thinking but deep thinking. I love writing because its something I can do and not care what people think where judgement it less of a problem then when I have typos. I was thinking of maybe deciding to major in something else like photography, or photo journalism, or even spontanously become a phyliosphy student. I have many scribbled down all over notebooks and post its, that may seem like silly teenage gibberish & babble but they are theories and deep thoughts that i like tapping into and anylizing. I know I just want to do something I’ll never stop loving, I feel like at some point I’m going to stop loving writing, I can feel. And also what my motives are for being so, well me. Maybe I’ll starts doing a thoughts and theories sorta thing on here, with my photography and see how I feel about it.

Short Stories

Hello readers, sorry I havent written a post in awhile I’ve been oh so busy. But I have some good/bad news, however you would like to take it. For my technical writing class we have to make a blog and write short stories on it once a week. I told my teacher I already have a beautiful baby blog, and instead of making a new wordpress just continuning to use this one. So once a week I’ll have “homework” on here. I know this is my personal blog & I usually would never involve school and my personal work but it makes life much easier. Expect short stories once a week that i’m required to have for my class thats all :]


I’m obsessed with full of new and vintage very exciting and bold clothes, and no not nasty :]

and this site i must order jewelry from here soon they’re gorgeous.


Guess what!? I’m baaaack, I was gone for awhile and said I wasn’t going to do any post for a few months but “nah nah nah homies be trippin fool” I have no idea what that means, but in simpler terms I’m going to be consistently blogging again. I miss you guys, I miss writing everyday, I miss sharing things I’m passionate about on my site that is like my baby. Some really super absoultely amazing things are happening. I’m going to HOUSTON FASHION WEEK. My first fashion show, Houstons first fashion week, first row, I’m full of first exciting things. I’m going to see 5 shows in one night, and I’m really excited for the Chole Doa show season 2 project runway winner. I will absolutely be covering it with lots of pictures and videos posted on here and youtube as soon as possible. And if I’m in any press I’d let you know that would be exciting huh!? Bummed I’m not going to the Christian Sirano show, but I love my mom so much for getting us VIP passes so I’m going to backstage hopefully running into the fabulous Christian. But how does one dress for a fashion week hmmm? I have so many ideas running through my cabeza, this is the one place where looking effortless is bad thing. The outfits that I love that I have no where else to wear them, I wear them here. So freggin excited ohmaggod! (This is one of the options that I have, with some knee high patent leather Steve Madden boots I die for)

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